The Crutch GIRL RANT!!
I have come to a point where I must relase the rant valve in a constructive and reflective manner.
The last weekend in July First of August 2014 , at about 1:47 AM I fell down my stairs after my ankle gave out.
I started Physical Therapy (PT) 2 weeks ago and it helps but the swelling has not gone away Daily I try to un stick my stuck ankle I do my exercises, in fact I am doing them now.
Ultimately, ankle still hurts, the swelling has not gone a way, the red line has gone away but the tendons, bones and joints are hurting, my toes have stabbing pains. half numb,accross the toes, and very numb along the outside curve where the outside curve the ankle is still swollen 50% more than normal.
I have taken the painpills, the anti imflammatories , Positive visualation and 6 weeks I am still in the boot and having the worst sprain in my life. Sleep has always been difficult due to other previous injuries from falls and car accidents. But I do not know why this feels like the worst I have been going to PT for 2 weeks, I have a great team of therapists we started STIM electro therapy but honestly nothing Is making the fluid un fill the ankle, I have joked with the therapists, Maybe Medieval Medical leeches are not a bad idea maybe that might take the bad fluids out.
Now if anyone knows me. I might be a biologist but I have a serious bug critter issue. I have never been the creepy crawly biologist. I like bugs to be in pictures, on video, but not live and in Life's living colorized 3 D in my face. Generally I do no try to kill insects except disease bearing ones like Flies, but even them I warn them verbally. whether its a ok me or you or one of my Banshee screams that can literally wake the dead. Yes that happened when I was sitting on the commode last week and a spider just came out from the edge of my blanket on my bed and ya know what. I let one of those Horror movie killer screams and for a moment the spider was stunned. it was a CT wood spider known for its poisonous bite
And when I screamed at it. it tried to jump but it was so disoriented at the shock wave of sound I hurled at it it oculd not seam to know which direction to go in and it was shaking,itseemd totrutpgt g t
. I have never seen a spider shake. I mean I am the one shaking . This time Both of us were shaking.
at this point I had to take it out
armed with my mothers back scratcher I lashed out in as fast nas I could staccato chopping action and made a minced meal out of the spider in fact. God Rest his or hers spidery soul.
I found another spider like that on my desk. I dispatched it under neath the tissue it was hiding under with a tall heavy thick walled glass cup. I have gotten braver, but I still the little freak out wigged out dance afterwards.
I do not dislike spiders but I was once traumatized by a white spider that bit me on my ear and made me very sick one night when I was about 3 years old. I nearly died from the venom I have been terrorized by them since., and not crawling on me or biting me. I still have serious issues when it comes to spiders. I am better I do not hysterically scream but I still freak out. I can put limited weight on my ankle. Work out plans are non existent. I missed the warrior dash, spartan race and the electric run and hartford marathon and any thon that involves moving accross terrain or obstables as a free bodied person. Everyone i know have not talked much, i am literally not in a frame of mind of feeling very social. iam returning to being 16 years old and hobbling on crutches. same ankle where i had the tumor way back then. in fact when it feel it felt exactly like it did 22 years ago and almost to the month the same time. frame . fI mean what gives is this going to be a every 22 year thing i sprain my right ankle beyond belief and it literally is like a wrecking ball to my life. Right now I can't do much, I do have a pilates 2-3 lb ball I pick up every other day and stretch shoulders and upper body. and i also have my cute pink 5 lb kettle ball but being not being able to stand for any length of time and having to wear this lovely 8lb boot let me tell you this is a trip and half and do strengthening stretches. Stressed in pain annoyed miserable unhappy . but those feelings about the new chronic pain I have to suffer through. Can anyone be so unlucky. I mean its not just accidents or cancer its all of the above. I know some say you suffer so you can heaving in th next life but sorry unless you are in this pain , you really understand it that concept seems like a crock of malarkey. capisce. how much heaven am I going to get for suffering so much? it beter be a the right hand of god because mondieu this is just too much. and and then 2 weekends in a row I get the nasties male customers one would not want to talk to. One day I know this too shall past. Seriously though, it really seems like i am in a whirl pool of passing and its not gas. and when am I going to get to the other side of this. I would love to have a freaking break ya know. I know everyone suffers but gosh I have suffered enough for a dozen people. I have more problems than anyone i have ever met i mean no one i have ever met in the meeting of people have had more un initiated drama in their lives. I try to do good i get drama i do nothing, i get drama, i work i get drama. Where is my academy award at least oscars translates into dollars and cents. I would like to have one point in life where I can have some happiness at all instead of this crapola. NO I haven't giv
Perhaps its not Badluck. I was planning a trip abroaden up. I may feel annoyed at the continued setbacks but I am waging Positive energy on my badluck. my glass is totally full. You know why because its half filled with water and half filled with the atmospheric gases so I have a full glass. I guess that's another aspect of this it would be nice to have my glas filled with the things I want to fill it with not just what luck , god gins and mens have decide to lay upon my path.
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